here and now

  As I drive to Target I wonder why going to Africa as a missionary seems like a more obedient response to God than ministering to the lost around me? As I take an early morning shower I think about why adopting an orphan from China seems like a more worthy response to God’s love for me than adopting a family in my church for the holidays? While I write a paper at a local coffee shop I wonder why the face of a brown-eyed girl sold into sex slavery on the other side of the world moves my heart toward compassion but the woman selling herself on the corner downtown brings quick judgement? 

I have yet to come to any sort of conclusion to the vast questions racing through my mind and I hope I never do. I want to keep thinking and searching for answers, avoiding the stagnant waters of complacency. Yet for today I think about why we are so consumed with thoughts of far off places, being confident that if we were there we would be living a life of purpose. If we are so sure of that then why are we still here? I’m here because God brought me here and it is indeed a land with people just as lost and in need of God’s love as the children playing in the slums of India. I’m confident God has called people to go and an obedient response to that call is likely the only path to fully understanding God’s purpose for their life. I’m also sure that the call to stay is just as worthy of being answered. My biggest fear of staying is becoming comfortable, as I look around I have noticed that we have become good at shielding ourselves from the need. We change the channel, we drive on the other side of town and we don’t talk to the man sitting on the bench. Maybe staying is really seeking. Maybe we need to live radically right where we are. Maybe the people around us need us to stay...

ISFJ

I found this summary the other day from when I took the Myers-Briggs a few years ago and I was reminded by how extremely accurate it is, this is literally me in a nutshell!

Introverted 
Sensing
Feeling
Judging 

Myers-Briggs description
According to Myers-Briggs, ISFJs are interested in maintaining order and harmony in every aspect of their lives. They are steadfast and meticulous in handling their responsibilities. Although quiet, they are people-oriented and very observant. Not only do they remember details about others, but they observe and respect others’ feelings. Friends and family are likely to describe them as thoughtful and trustworthy. Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings. Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occurred, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.

I find so much validation in this :)

The Earth is Yours

This song reminds me that I am not the center of anything and I am thankful. This song makes me want to dance. This song makes me hopeful for heaven.

Beautiful

As I was in my car the other day this song began to play and as I let the words wash over my anxious and overwhelmed heart I felt a calming reassurance that these standards that we deem as success in this life are not from God. So often I desire to be this person that I have created in my mind; the one who has no regrets, a soft response to everyone, a perfect quiet time record and patience without limits. I measure my success as a child of God in my ability to attain certain goals I see as valuable rather than acknowledging that God sees me as his daughter created for a purpose and I doubt that purpose is me comparing myself to the perfect Christian girl my mind has created. I have recently been thinking about the heart in which I desire to pursue God, so often I feel it is out of a quest to go through the assumed motions rather than a pursuit of relationship. I want to pursue God out of a heart that longs to know more deeply the one who sees me as beautiful and who jealously desires to be in relationship with me. 

He sees the beauty in my heart that has more hopes than I dare dream, my mind that has thoughts more vast than my ability to communicate them and the beauty in the reflection of my mirror. He created my passionate desire for relationships with others yet I’ve so frequently chosen to share that with everyone but him. Sometimes I think I just need the reminder that in His eyes I am beautiful and that He desires me to see it as well. In allowing my doubts, fears and regrets to hinder my relationship with Him the only thing I am really communicating is that His work on the cross wasn’t good enough.  

I want to set out to see myself as God sees me and recognize that He values things the world does not. I want to pursue a relationship built on crazy love not crazy expectations. I want my relationship with Jesus to be something that causes others to stop and desire what they see. I want to remember that He has taken all of the steps but the last toward me, I only have to take the final one...