Perfection

     I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. When I was little my coloring book pages had to be perfectly colored in the lines and the grass was always green, the sky always blue. If I messed up along the way I would throw it away and start again. I don’t often color in coloring books anymore but my desire for “perfection” hasn’t wavered. When I complete a task and someone says “it looks perfect” it is the complement I appreciate the most. I like cookie-cutter projects, instructions (get with the program IKEA!), and rules because they give me a desired outcome and a tangible knowledge of what is “right”. This need for perfection has long fueled my love for New Years Day and Sundays, they are a chance to start fresh and a sensed opportunity for perfection, though perfection will never come. I will frequently make new goals but when I have gone a week or a month and then mess up I all too frequently throw in the towel and give up. I knew I couldn’t do it, I can’t make it perfect, so what is the point? A few weeks ago I messed up. I thought I was far from the chance to slip into old habits but we all know that at the very moment of thinking we are no longer vulnerable to messing up that is when we fall. My desire for perfection triggered my first response which was to give up. If it isn’t going to be perfect why even try? Then grace rushed in and I realized that a) perfection is a quest with no end and b) I remembered how long I had been successful and how much better I felt. So for all the times I gave up I decided to pick up and try again...thankful for God’s forgiveness and a little happy that someday I will get to meet the One who really is perfect and thankful that He doesn’t expect it from me. 

20

Considering I am turning 20 today here are 20 random things...

1 - I love the feeling in an airport where any place in the world seems possible

2 - Seeing city lights at night sometimes takes my breath away

3 - I love classic children’s books (Goodnight Moon is my favorite)

4 - Christmas and the 4th of July are my favorite holidays

5 - The idea of going upside down on a roller coaster terrifies me

6 - I would LOVE to spend one night in a Ritz-Carlton, preferably the one at Central Park

7 - I collect quotes

8 - Myers-Briggs may have changed my life

9 - I love walking around neighborhoods and looking at houses

10 - Anthropologie is the most peaceful, make my heart happy store that I’ve ever been in

11 - I love the way the ocean makes me feel small

12 - Pirates of the Caribbean might be my favorite ride at Disneyland

13 - I like to vacuum

14 - Reading blogs + a chai latte = one of my favorite ways to spend an introverted hour

15 - Organization makes me happy (hello The Container Store!)

16 - I could watch The Holiday on repeat

17 - One layer of my wedding cake is going to be funfetti

18 - I genuinely like public speaking

19 - People fascinate me, no two are the same

20 - I love dressing up

you are a story

     Every person has a story, a battle they are fighting, a hope they don’t dare dream, a desire that no one knows. We are complex people. Some more than others perhaps but each of our stories are intricate and unique. Some of us are a maze with so many walls that only a few ever make it into our hearts, others are an open book crying out for someone to take notice. I would argue that while we may all be different we all have the same common need, to be known. The greatest type of friend is one who not only knows who we are, but why we are. We are eager to know people but do we care to know why they are? I fail at this often but I am in constant pursuit of intentionality in my relationships. Dare to know others deeply and in doing so you might just find a beautiful friend...