Perfection

     I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. When I was little my coloring book pages had to be perfectly colored in the lines and the grass was always green, the sky always blue. If I messed up along the way I would throw it away and start again. I don’t often color in coloring books anymore but my desire for “perfection” hasn’t wavered. When I complete a task and someone says “it looks perfect” it is the complement I appreciate the most. I like cookie-cutter projects, instructions (get with the program IKEA!), and rules because they give me a desired outcome and a tangible knowledge of what is “right”. This need for perfection has long fueled my love for New Years Day and Sundays, they are a chance to start fresh and a sensed opportunity for perfection, though perfection will never come. I will frequently make new goals but when I have gone a week or a month and then mess up I all too frequently throw in the towel and give up. I knew I couldn’t do it, I can’t make it perfect, so what is the point? A few weeks ago I messed up. I thought I was far from the chance to slip into old habits but we all know that at the very moment of thinking we are no longer vulnerable to messing up that is when we fall. My desire for perfection triggered my first response which was to give up. If it isn’t going to be perfect why even try? Then grace rushed in and I realized that a) perfection is a quest with no end and b) I remembered how long I had been successful and how much better I felt. So for all the times I gave up I decided to pick up and try again...thankful for God’s forgiveness and a little happy that someday I will get to meet the One who really is perfect and thankful that He doesn’t expect it from me.